1
00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:05,882
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
2
00:00:05,957 --> 00:00:09,154
♪ In living color♪
3
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- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪
4
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
5
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♪ In living color♪
6
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♪ In living color♪
7
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♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪
8
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♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪
9
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♪ Take it from me
It's a'ight to be ♪
10
00:00:28,212 --> 00:00:30,180
♪ In living color♪
11
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♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪
12
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,180
♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪
13
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♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
14
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ In living color♪
20
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♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine ♪
23
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♪ In living color♪
24
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♪ How would you feel knowing
everybody was your friend ♪
25
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♪ From thin to thick
and through thick and thin ♪
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♪ And egotistical trips
was put to an end ♪
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
29
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♪ In living color♪
30
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♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪
31
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♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪
32
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♪ Take it from me
It's a'ight to be ♪
33
00:01:25,136 --> 00:01:26,899
♪ In living color♪
34
00:01:26,971 --> 00:01:29,030
♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪
35
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♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪
36
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♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
37
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
38
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♪ In living color♪♪
39
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Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.
40
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Thank you.
Thank you very much.
41
00:01:57,635 --> 00:02:00,832
I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans,
and this is In Living Color.
42
00:02:00,905 --> 00:02:03,965
Good to be here tonight.
Good to have you all here.
43
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Before we get started,
I want to know why you're up there.
44
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,476
I like Shawn.
I want to be with Shawn.
45
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:13,073
She couldn't get
the dance number down, so...
46
00:02:13,151 --> 00:02:17,588
Say hello to D.J. And one of my Fly Girls,
Carrie Ann and S. W. One.
47
00:02:21,526 --> 00:02:24,188
These other girls back here,
start with Cari, Diedre...
48
00:02:24,262 --> 00:02:26,423
Lisa and Michelle.
49
00:02:30,268 --> 00:02:32,463
We're ready to get loose
and have some fun...
50
00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:34,698
so sit back and laugh
for about a half.
51
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Be right back.
Kick it.
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
53
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♪ In living color♪♪
54
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[Muttering, Barking]
55
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And wake up!
56
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[Laughs]
Oh!
57
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All right, another volunteer.
Yes, you, sir.
58
00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:57,653
Let's give him a hand,
ladies and gentlemen.
59
00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,788
- And your name is?
- Eugene Carmichael III.
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All right, Eugene Carmichael III,
what do you do for a living?
61
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:08,568
- Commodities broker.
- Commodities broker.
62
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,107
Let me ask you,
have you ever been hypnotized?
63
00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:13,541
No, I haven't and frankly,
I'm quite skeptical.
64
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,579
One, two, three, trance!
65
00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:20,279
Now at my command,
you will cluck like a chicken.
66
00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:23,081
One, two, three...
67
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You're never gonna...
[Clucks]
68
00:03:27,525 --> 00:03:30,551
- Beg your pardon?
- [Clucking]
69
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,324
Ladies and gentlemen,
the skeptic.
70
00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:37,424
I assure you, he will remain
this way as long as l... Ahh!
71
00:03:37,502 --> 00:03:39,436
[Clucks]
72
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As long as l...
Oh, my heart!
73
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,573
[Woman Screaming]
74
00:03:48,246 --> 00:03:51,272
He's not breathing.
Call an ambulance quick!
75
00:03:51,349 --> 00:03:54,944
[Thinking] Oh, my God!
Come on. Get up!
76
00:03:55,019 --> 00:03:59,115
- [Clucking]
- It's no use. He's dead.
77
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[Clucking]
78
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[Thinking]
You bastard, live!
79
00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:09,728
[Clucking]
80
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,735
Welcome to Nothing But Burgers.
May I help you?
81
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:26,881
[Thinking]
All right.
82
00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:30,546
Now just concentrate.
83
00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:32,714
Put the money
on the counter...
84
00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:36,419
Iook her in the eye
and concentrate.
85
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[Clucking]
86
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:51,171
Excuse me?
87
00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:55,110
[Thinking] Oh, for the love of God,
please hear me.
88
00:04:55,179 --> 00:04:58,671
I'm starving!
I want a burger!
89
00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:01,547
Look, bud, I don't have to take this.
I'll call the police.
90
00:05:01,619 --> 00:05:04,554
- You can't come in clucking and grabbin'.
- Wait. It's all right.
91
00:05:04,622 --> 00:05:06,886
This guy's trying
to tell us something.
92
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:09,392
I think I've
seen this on Geraldo.
93
00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,428
Can you write it down?
94
00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,827
[Thinking]
That's a great idea.
95
00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:16,025
I should have thought of this.
96
00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:22,497
"I'd like a hamburger...
97
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"and a cola, please.
98
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:30,142
I am starving."
99
00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:32,148
Okay. Okay.
100
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,845
"Cluck, cluck."
101
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,412
I'm sorry. I can't read
that chicken scratch.
102
00:05:40,691 --> 00:05:46,095
[Thinking]
Oh! Please! Please!
103
00:05:46,163 --> 00:05:48,097
[Clucks]
104
00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:50,895
A nightclub act
that went awry...
105
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:56,429
was a departure point for a long descent
to a place stranger than nightmares.
106
00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:59,101
A place crueler than hell.
107
00:05:59,176 --> 00:06:03,044
He's entered a place called
the Vortex of Fear.
108
00:06:03,114 --> 00:06:06,709
[Laughing]
109
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[Clucking]
110
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[Clucks]
111
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,103
[Girls Squealing]
112
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[Announcer]
Coming this fall on ABC.
113
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[Man] Muffin, Skip,
you kids okay?
114
00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:40,876
We're fine, Mr. Charles.
115
00:06:40,951 --> 00:06:44,443
[Announcer] The kids aren't his,
but they're his responsibility.
116
00:06:44,522 --> 00:06:47,320
He's Ray Charles In Charge.
117
00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:50,053
Four of a kind.
Read 'em and weep.
118
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:52,095
What are you doing, Skip?
119
00:06:52,163 --> 00:06:54,097
Math.
120
00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:57,328
That's good.
And what about you, Muffin?
121
00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:59,335
We're studying anatomy.
122
00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:02,600
[Ray] Good. Good.
You're fine children.
123
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:06,040
♪♪ [Singing]
124
00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:09,568
[Announcer] Move over, Mr. Belvedere,
and hit the road, Jack.
125
00:07:09,647 --> 00:07:11,638
He's Ray Charles in Charge.
126
00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:14,116
Coming this fall right after
The Stevie Wonder Years.
127
00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:16,676
They're blind and they're black...
128
00:07:16,754 --> 00:07:20,451
they're back-to-back,
Tuesdays on ABC.
129
00:07:21,559 --> 00:07:23,789
♪ Ahh-ohh ♪♪
130
00:07:23,994 --> 00:07:25,928
[Announcer]
Now, boys and girls...
131
00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:29,159
it's time for
your favorite storyteller.
132
00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:35,195
[Applause, Cheering]
133
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Hello, sweet babies.
134
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,576
How y'all doing today?
135
00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:44,910
Would y'all like
to hear a story?
136
00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:48,850
- Then shut up.
- [Applause Stops]
137
00:07:48,919 --> 00:07:52,787
Anyway, tonight's story
is Cinderella.
138
00:07:52,857 --> 00:07:56,349
Cinderella was the prettiest, most beautiful
and most talented one in the family...
139
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:58,361
and all of them hated her.
140
00:07:58,429 --> 00:08:00,897
Just like me.
So beautiful and so talented.
141
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,399
And they all hate me, you know.
Oh, that's right.
142
00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,458
Cinderella wanted to meet
the prince...
143
00:08:05,536 --> 00:08:07,902
and everybody's talking
about Prince, Prince, Prince.
144
00:08:07,972 --> 00:08:11,237
Let me tell you somethin' about Prince.
Prince is nothing compared to me.
145
00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:15,745
Prince cannot sit next to me
on my throne unless he's in a high chair.
146
00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:20,045
That's right, I've seen him. That little
tiny man, posing naked on a horse...
147
00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:22,051
trying to cover up
with one hand.
148
00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:26,613
If I had to cover up with one hand,
why bother? [Laughs]
149
00:08:26,690 --> 00:08:29,818
Shut up.
150
00:08:29,894 --> 00:08:32,488
So, anyway, Cinderella heard
about the king's ball...
151
00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:34,793
and she got all excited,
just like I did.
152
00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:37,425
I love a good ball.
153
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,867
Anyway, kings
are always known...
154
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,838
for having great balls
and I ain't talking about Elvis.
155
00:08:42,907 --> 00:08:44,966
Oh, no, Elvis was
no king. I'm sorry.
156
00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:47,237
Elvis couldn't even tie
my blue suede shoes.
157
00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:49,871
I wouldn't let him
pet my hound dog. Oh, no.
158
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:52,211
If Elvis is the king,
then what am I?
159
00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,581
Shut up.
160
00:08:56,153 --> 00:08:58,747
So, anyways, Cinderella was very sad
because she couldn't go.
161
00:08:58,823 --> 00:09:03,123
Then in the middle of the night,
her fairy godmother came
and gave her a beautiful gown...
162
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:06,595
silver slippers,
and a white carriage with horses.
163
00:09:06,664 --> 00:09:08,598
You know,
they never gave me nothing.
164
00:09:08,666 --> 00:09:10,759
That's right.
I haven't got a Grammy yet.
165
00:09:10,835 --> 00:09:13,804
They never gave me nothin'.
They gave Paul McCartney a Grammy.
166
00:09:13,871 --> 00:09:17,272
When I heard that, I screamed
like a white lady in church.
167
00:09:17,341 --> 00:09:19,536
Mm-hmm.
Where was I?
168
00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:21,771
You know, everybody stole from me.
Oh, that's right.
169
00:09:21,846 --> 00:09:25,145
I can't tell this story no more.
I have to tell the real story.
170
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,480
Everyone stole from me.
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles?
171
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:30,918
I was blind first.
Oh, yes. I did that first.
172
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,446
Oh, and Diana Ross?
Diana Ross... tall, glamorous woman?
173
00:09:34,525 --> 00:09:36,550
You know who did that first.
174
00:09:36,627 --> 00:09:39,221
Oh, and James Brown?
Stole my hair. Stole my cape.
175
00:09:39,296 --> 00:09:41,526
Mm-hmm. He's in prison,
right where he belongs.
176
00:09:41,599 --> 00:09:45,501
Oh, yes, he is. You know,
Papa's got a brand-new bag now.
177
00:09:45,569 --> 00:09:49,869
Probably got some shoes to match.
[Laughs]
178
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:52,340
Shut up.
179
00:09:52,409 --> 00:09:55,276
Anyway, that's all the time we have
for Lil'Richard's Playhouse.
180
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:58,804
I'll see you next week.
Bye-bye, sweet babies.
181
00:10:07,091 --> 00:10:10,083
♪♪ [Woman Singing]
182
00:10:32,842 --> 00:10:36,778
♪♪ [Scatting]
183
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:39,847
[Applause]
184
00:10:45,121 --> 00:10:47,487
- Great set, Della.
- Thank you, Buster.
185
00:10:47,556 --> 00:10:49,649
Hi, I'm Della Reese.
186
00:10:49,725 --> 00:10:51,784
If you're like me,
you suck up food...
187
00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:54,193
the way a vacuum cleaner
sucks up hair balls.
188
00:10:54,263 --> 00:10:56,390
But I got to watch what I eat.
189
00:10:56,465 --> 00:11:00,128
And, honey, sometimes
I don't want a whole portion.
190
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,136
I just want a little taste.
191
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:06,265
And that's why I developed
Della Reese's Pieces.
192
00:11:06,342 --> 00:11:09,834
Honey, you don't have to feel guilty
about having whole portions anymore...
193
00:11:09,912 --> 00:11:13,404
because I've already taken bites
out of everything for you.
194
00:11:13,482 --> 00:11:16,417
See? That's all I wanted.
195
00:11:16,485 --> 00:11:18,419
Wait a minute.
196
00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:22,321
Let me get
a little smidgen more.
197
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:24,586
Save me a little piece
for later too.
198
00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:28,764
And this is all
you gonna get...
199
00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:30,765
with Della Reese's Pieces.
200
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:34,234
It's the simple way to stop
making a pig out of yourself, honey.
201
00:11:34,303 --> 00:11:36,635
So the next time
somebody comes in your face...
202
00:11:36,705 --> 00:11:39,230
with a big ol' mean
drumstick like this...
203
00:11:39,308 --> 00:11:44,211
you say, " Uh-uh, baby.
I'm eating Della Reese's Pieces."
204
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,214
[Announcer]
New Della Reese's Pieces.
205
00:11:46,282 --> 00:11:50,116
When you're already starving
forjust a little something.
206
00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:57,892
Today's the big day.
I'm moving up.
207
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,157
Let me tell you something.
Don't fool yourself, my brother.
208
00:12:01,230 --> 00:12:03,323
- They ain't never gonna let that happen.
- [Scoffs]
209
00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:05,867
What are you talking about?
Peterson told me...
210
00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,563
I'm in the number one position
for this promotion.
211
00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:13,540
Then let me tell you
something, my brother.
212
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:16,169
The white man ain't never...
213
00:12:16,245 --> 00:12:20,272
gonna put a black man
in charge of his french fries.
214
00:12:20,349 --> 00:12:22,579
They just don't give us
that type of power.
215
00:12:22,651 --> 00:12:26,246
- Man, why are you so negative?
- Hey, I ain't negative.
216
00:12:27,556 --> 00:12:30,855
I'm just real, my brother.
217
00:12:30,926 --> 00:12:34,987
See, brothers don't get
them type of positions.
218
00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:37,658
Look at me.
I've been here five years.
219
00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:39,667
What am I doing? Mopping.
220
00:12:39,735 --> 00:12:44,365
Yeah, but that's 'cause you failed
your french fry aptitude test. Twice.
221
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,841
Hey, man, that was
a culturally-biased test, man.
222
00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:50,470
How they going to ask
a black man from Compton...
223
00:12:50,546 --> 00:12:54,243
about some
white potatoes from Idaho?
224
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,615
Ask me about some sweet potatoes.
I'll tell ya anything about a yam.
225
00:12:57,686 --> 00:13:00,177
Yam from the motherland.
You didn't know that.
226
00:13:00,256 --> 00:13:03,384
Man, maybe your problem
is your attitude.
227
00:13:03,459 --> 00:13:08,260
Hey, I ain't got
no attitude, my brother.
228
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,493
There's a conspiracy out there.
You hear what I'm saying?
229
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:13,501
There's a conspiracy.
230
00:13:13,569 --> 00:13:17,437
A C-O-N... spiracy.
231
00:13:21,377 --> 00:13:25,541
Excellent work, Number Four. Your plan to
get rid of Marion Barry worked beautifully.
232
00:13:25,614 --> 00:13:27,775
- Thank you, sir.
- Next?
233
00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:32,448
And you, Number Five,
keep up the good work.
234
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,284
Thank you, Your Whiteness.
235
00:13:36,292 --> 00:13:38,658
Well, well, well.
236
00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:40,854
Number Six.
Mr. Screwup.
237
00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:43,558
- It really wasn't my fault,
Number One. What happened...
- Silence.!
238
00:13:43,632 --> 00:13:47,830
The others have done their jobs well.
But you have fouled up time and time again.
239
00:13:47,903 --> 00:13:51,100
First, you let Eddie Murphy become
the biggest movie star in the world.
240
00:13:51,173 --> 00:13:53,573
- It was the writing.
- And Bryant Gumbel?
241
00:13:53,642 --> 00:13:56,634
- I leaked the memo.
- Arsenio Hall?
242
00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:58,976
I thought Sajak
could go all the way.
243
00:13:59,048 --> 00:14:03,178
Pat Sajak? It's that kind of dimwitted
thinking that's gotten you into this mess.
244
00:14:03,252 --> 00:14:06,983
And now the last straw. I just heard
that a black man in your sector...
245
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:09,490
is going to be put
in charge of french fries.
246
00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:12,721
- French fries!
- Nothing I could do. What could I do?
247
00:14:12,795 --> 00:14:16,424
- You're pathetic. Wait outside.
- Yes, sir.
248
00:14:16,498 --> 00:14:18,659
Get me Senator Thompkins.
249
00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:24,635
Melvin? Melvin?
Melvin.!
250
00:14:24,707 --> 00:14:26,641
- Hello, Mr. Peterson.
- Melvin...
251
00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:30,611
last night I went over the list of people
for the new french fry supervision job.
252
00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:32,647
- Yeah?
- And I just wanna tell ya...
253
00:14:32,715 --> 00:14:34,740
there was no one
more qualified than you.
254
00:14:34,817 --> 00:14:37,377
All right!
See, I told you.
255
00:14:37,453 --> 00:14:41,082
But then this morning, I was listening
to the radio and I heard the funniest thing.
256
00:14:41,156 --> 00:14:44,319
Apparently,
Senator Thompkins passed a bill...
257
00:14:44,393 --> 00:14:47,487
banning the sale of french fries
anywhere in the state.
258
00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:50,930
It passed unanimously.
259
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,766
So I guess you'll have to be
on that mop for a while longer.
260
00:14:54,837 --> 00:14:59,274
All right, everybody,
let's shut down those fryers.
261
00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:03,470
See? I told you, man.
262
00:15:03,545 --> 00:15:06,673
There is
a conspiracy out there.
263
00:15:06,749 --> 00:15:09,240
- C-O-N...
- Yeah, right. I know.
264
00:15:09,318 --> 00:15:11,252
[Together]
Spiracy.
265
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,312
By the way, guys, we have
a new trainee today.
266
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,381
Show him the ropes,
will ya?
267
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,222
Hey, you! Get your
feet down off there!
268
00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:22,854
Better be
nice to him, brother.
269
00:15:22,931 --> 00:15:24,865
That's your new manager.
270
00:15:27,603 --> 00:15:30,128
Man, you crazy.
271
00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:33,174
Isn't he?
272
00:15:38,013 --> 00:15:41,574
♪♪ [Rap]
273
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:56,355
♪♪ [Man Rapping]
274
00:16:07,576 --> 00:16:11,068
♪♪ [Theme Music]
275
00:16:15,317 --> 00:16:18,445
Laquita, I'm home!
276
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,488
Hey, sweetheart.
277
00:16:23,559 --> 00:16:26,221
Where's my sugar? Mm!
278
00:16:26,295 --> 00:16:30,629
That's my baby. I'm right
in the middle of painting my nails.
279
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:34,362
Nails?
What about dinner?
280
00:16:34,436 --> 00:16:36,700
I got some pigs feet
steamin' on the stove.
281
00:16:36,772 --> 00:16:40,572
Pigs feet?
Ay, yi, yi.!
282
00:16:40,642 --> 00:16:43,805
My mother told me never
to marry a crazy redhead from Compton.
283
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,870
Well, you did.
284
00:16:45,948 --> 00:16:49,349
I told you last week I'm having
a very important producer...
285
00:16:49,418 --> 00:16:52,717
- over for dinner on Monday night.
- Producer? Producer?
286
00:16:52,788 --> 00:16:54,881
Ricky, sit down.
Ricky, look.
287
00:16:54,957 --> 00:16:58,188
You think he might be interested
in a female rapper?
288
00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:01,127
- ♪ My name's Laquita
These are my... ♪♪
- Laquita!
289
00:17:01,196 --> 00:17:04,529
- Ricky!
- Let me "splain" somethin' to you.
290
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,534
What you gonna
"splain" to me?
291
00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:10,038
- Don't make fun of my language.
- You ain't got no language.
292
00:17:10,105 --> 00:17:13,802
Laquita, I am gonna tell
you something...
293
00:17:13,876 --> 00:17:16,538
for the thousandth time.
294
00:17:16,612 --> 00:17:21,311
I don't want any more of your harebrained
schemes to get into show business.
295
00:17:21,383 --> 00:17:24,716
But, Ricky! Come on, man.
I could be the next Queen Latifah!
296
00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:27,017
No buts!
297
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:30,081
Now, go on in there
and set the table.
298
00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:33,925
- Shoot!
- I'll go to the Chinese restaurant downstairs...
299
00:17:33,996 --> 00:17:37,090
and get something a little more
fit for human consumption.
300
00:17:38,233 --> 00:17:42,260
And don't forget,
the cable man is coming.
301
00:17:42,337 --> 00:17:44,601
He'll be here any minute.
302
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,541
What'd you say?
303
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,839
- Hi, Laquita. It's me.
- Ethel! Ethel!
304
00:17:49,912 --> 00:17:53,211
Come here.
Sit down. Sit down.
305
00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:56,774
Yo, check this out.
Ricky's gonna have a big-time producer...
306
00:17:56,852 --> 00:17:59,013
- comin' over here tonight.
- A producer!
307
00:17:59,087 --> 00:18:01,920
A producer. So I figured we could
do our Salt 'N Pepa routine.
308
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:05,050
- Oh, Laquita, I don't know.
- Come on! It's our big chance!
309
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,061
- [Doorbell Rings]
- Well...
310
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,097
That's him! That's him.
Just follow along.
311
00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:12,292
- Just bust a move. Whatever I do, you do.
- Well, all right.
312
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:18,239
Is this
the Mercado residence?
313
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:20,901
- Yes, it is.
- Yeah, I'm looking for Mr. Mercado.
314
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:23,774
- I'm from Continental Television.
- We were expecting you.
315
00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:25,837
Come on in.
Come on in.
316
00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:29,150
Have a seat.
Have a seat.
317
00:18:29,218 --> 00:18:31,686
- Okay.
- Ethel, get the nice man something to drink.
318
00:18:31,753 --> 00:18:34,085
Some ripple.
319
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,090
On the rocks.
320
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,388
You want a massage?
A leg massage?
321
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:40,428
- Uh, yeah. Sure, I guess.
- Here you are.
322
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,362
- Would you like something to eat?
- Thank you. Yeah. Okay.
323
00:18:43,432 --> 00:18:46,333
- Do you like music?
- Well, I guess so. I mean, who doesn't?
324
00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:48,699
Well, peep this out.
325
00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:52,364
One, two.
One, two.
326
00:18:52,441 --> 00:18:54,739
♪ What we gonna do ♪
327
00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:57,608
♪ My name's Laquita
and I'm telling you, see ♪
328
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,544
♪ I'm the kinda girl
should be on TV♪
329
00:18:59,615 --> 00:19:01,913
♪ Over here, on my right
with the curly locks ♪
330
00:19:01,984 --> 00:19:04,714
♪ She's a girl, she's my friend
she's a human beat box ♪
331
00:19:04,786 --> 00:19:06,720
♪ Say, what ♪♪
332
00:19:06,788 --> 00:19:10,952
Oh, that was great! I mean,
you two really should be on TV.
333
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,618
Yes!
334
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:15,162
Now, just listen. I got
a service contract right here.
335
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:18,427
- Let me put myJohn Hancock on it.
- Wait a minute! Not so fast.
336
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:21,435
Nothing gets signed until I take care
of the physical connection.
337
00:19:21,503 --> 00:19:23,903
- What?
- You know...
338
00:19:23,972 --> 00:19:26,440
I have to plug my cable
into the box.
339
00:19:26,508 --> 00:19:29,170
- Oh, Laquita! I don't know.
- Do we have to?
340
00:19:29,244 --> 00:19:32,042
This is standard procedure.
It will only take about five minutes.
341
00:19:32,114 --> 00:19:34,810
Maybe a little longer.
This is my 12th one today.
342
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,180
[Together]
Twelfth?
343
00:19:36,251 --> 00:19:38,981
One lady I saw this morning
took almost two hours.
344
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:43,582
Mm-hmm. The poor woman couldn't
remember where her box was.
345
00:19:43,659 --> 00:19:47,652
And when we finally found it, it was
all rusted shut. Had to use a crowbar.
346
00:19:49,197 --> 00:19:51,893
- Oh, my God!
- Laquita, I don't know about this.
347
00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:55,596
Come on, Ethel. Come on.
Come on and think.
348
00:19:55,671 --> 00:19:58,196
Just think about it!
We talking the big time here.
349
00:19:58,273 --> 00:20:01,902
We could be on Showtime at the Apollo
and The Byron Allen Show.
350
00:20:01,977 --> 00:20:03,444
Byron Allen?
351
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:06,174
- Where do you wanna do it, ladies?
- We ain't no freaks!
352
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:09,445
- In the bedroom, of course.
- Okay, no problem.
353
00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:13,215
- You know, I got more than 100 feet of cable.
- Oh, no!
354
00:20:13,288 --> 00:20:16,280
Look at his teeny feet.
He ain't got no 100 feet of cable.
355
00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:20,658
- I just run it up the side
and right through the window.
- Oh, no, Laquita!
356
00:20:20,729 --> 00:20:23,220
- Oh, no.
- Please! This is our big chance.
357
00:20:23,298 --> 00:20:25,232
- Please, Ethel. Please.
- Well...
358
00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:29,202
Come on. You know Fred ain't
throwin' down in the bedroom anyway.
359
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,205
Well, I guess
you're right.
360
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:35,107
All right, sir, you can do me first
and then my friend.
361
00:20:35,177 --> 00:20:38,374
Are you kiddin'? I can get a splitter
and turn you both on.
362
00:20:40,382 --> 00:20:43,408
We'll just do it one at a time
if you don't mind.
363
00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:46,545
- Fine with me. Let's get it over with.
- Aren't you gonna leave that?
364
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:50,079
Ah! The right tool
for the right job.
365
00:20:50,158 --> 00:20:52,683
Well, if you say so.
366
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,664
[Man] Hey, lady,
what are you doing.!
367
00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:01,225
[Laughing]
368
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,032
Ricky!
369
00:21:09,344 --> 00:21:12,973
Hi, honey. This is that producer
I told you about.
370
00:21:14,049 --> 00:21:15,983
Producer?
371
00:21:16,051 --> 00:21:18,884
But if that's the producer,
then... Who...
372
00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:21,445
[Crying]
373
00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:23,184
Did you let the cable man in?
374
00:21:23,258 --> 00:21:25,886
Nope.
Ethel did.
375
00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:31,122
Ethel!
What happened?
376
00:21:31,199 --> 00:21:35,932
I just got free cable
for the whole building.
377
00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:45,036
Laquita!
378
00:21:46,048 --> 00:21:48,539
[Crying]
379
00:22:00,328 --> 00:22:03,491
What?
380
00:22:03,565 --> 00:22:06,056
[Laughing]
381
00:22:06,134 --> 00:22:08,398
We're having too much fun,
but we gotta go.
382
00:22:08,470 --> 00:22:10,404
[Grunts]
383
00:22:12,074 --> 00:22:14,668
We out of here.
See y'all later.
384
00:22:58,487 --> 00:23:02,287
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
385
00:23:02,357 --> 00:23:03,756
♪ In living color♪♪